How to Attract a Girlfriend

What is it that attracts men to women? What is that attracts men to women? The problem so many people face in their love lives is in thinking that the other person thinks just like they do. This is really not the case. Men and women think differently. Let’s face facts.

How Important are Looks to Women?

Men tend to think that they need to be good looking in order to get with good looking girlfriends. They think this because looks are a major consideration for men. So lots of guys have the limiting belief that because they are not especially attractive, they can’t find hot partners. Women might want someone that’s not objectionable to look at, but if she likes you she’ll find your physical imperfections cute. Usually, if a women finds a man ‘handsome’ it’s because she’s drawn to his other qualities such as:

  • His alpha maleness
  • His unreactiveness
  • His leadership
  • His confidence
  • His calmness

Interestingly, I find that lots of students come back to me and tell me that their female friends wonder if they’ve changed their fashion, starting working out, whitened their teeth etc. when actually all they’ve done is started projecting inner confidence and changed nothing external. Changing your body language, for one, can you make you look like a completely different man.

Attraction Process

Say a female 10 walks into a room of men. How many men would sleep with her there and then? I’d say 90%, if not higher. If we reverse the situation and a male 10 walks into a room of women, how many women would automatically sleep with him? I’d say 20%.

Men are prepared to do so much for a women before they even know her. They’d happily buy her a drink, dinner, marry her before finding out anything personal about her. This is why women say men are only after one thing, because they’ve seen that whatever they do they can’t ‘lose’ the man in the interaction because he’s already made up his mind that she’s good enough.

Women have a different process. They get attracted over time and they rarely know what they want until they experience it. This is why they don’t like men who look like they are interested in just sex. Women don’t fancy you straight away, so they tend to find it creepy if you do. Girls will typically describe their ideal man in terms of looks as the last boyfriend that they were really fond of. T

Problems with relationships

If you take stock of the people around you that you know, I’d be surprised if you can think of more than a few people who are happy. Everyone knows one couple in their social circle who have a truly solid relationship but they are the exception rather than the rule.

The reason the whole field of pick-up exists for men is because they are required to do much more to make relationships happen. They have to approach the girl, invite her on a date, ask for the number, go for the kiss and, eventually, propose. What does the woman have to do? She needs to look hot in a bar and just decide of the streams of guys that approach her are okay. She just has to agree to the date, agree to the kiss, agree to the marriage. If she’s pretty she doesn’t even need to be funny or interesting.

The woman’s problem is that she doesn’t control the guys that come into her life: she is restricted by those who approach her. If she’s super hot, the only guys who will approach her are typically the bad guys who have the balls to approach her because they just don’t care. As a result, they don’t make great boyfriends.

Social circle

All this explains why the social circle is the typical place most people get together: guys don’t have to do the whole awkward approaching business, and women get to find out about their men in advance.

If someone is in your social circle you then:

  • You know they are not an axe murdered
  • Comfort is built in
  • You don’t need to be so fast with the seduction – it’s worked in over a long period of time
  • Your mutual friends will usually help you get together and negotiate the tricky terrain.

This is why so many people get together at weddings: not only is romance in the air, but everyone there knows everyone else is the ‘right’ sort of person: you don’t have to worry about vetting them like you would if a stranger came up to you in a bar and you can open each other with the dull ‘how do you know Bob?’

Having real choice

If you only meet people through you social circle you’ve got to be very lucky to find a good match. In the end most people end up ‘settling’ (what a horrible thought!) for someone because they know them and there’s no one better.

This is why approaching strangers (a.k.a. people outside your circle) is so important. Only by meeting a huge number of people, practising on them and finding out about them can you give yourself a good choice and lots of options. The skill you want is to progress an interaction with a complete stranger to making them an intimate friend or partner.

So, time to get going!

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